Buddhi Free
Enlightenment under the Buddhi Free
Why Beer’s Selection Makes Sense
Categories: Writings

Men, women and Stuart MacGill have been calling for Andrew Hilditch’s head over the selection of one Michael Beer for the third Ashes test. Every one of them say that they have nothing against Beer (the person, not the drink), but go on to imply in a rather politically correct manner that Mr. Beer isn’t up to scratch. “Hold on to yer horses, y’all!” I say. Uhm…but why exactly? Because the inclusion of Mr. Beer might just be a master stroke. Want reasons? How about the following:

  1. Beer seems to be a jolly fellow. “There’s great fun to be had when there’s beer in the dressing room,” is what a number of cricketers will tell you. And with the North going south and the baggy greens turning all shades of red, their dressing room requires all the levity it could possibly muster. Bring on the beer! Ooh yeah <Duffman style pelvic thrust>.
  2. Perth happens to be Mr. Beer’s home ground. True, he’s only played three first class games at his ‘home ground’, but he sure as hell has the home advantage going for him. Something that Doherty, Hauritz, Krejza or White do not. And, as Bangladesh so ably demonstrated by walloping New Zealand 4-0, home advantage is more important than class, statistics or rankings.
    So impressed are the Indian selectors with such out-of-the-box thinking that they are reportedly contemplating letting a belligerent Napolean Einstein loose on the hapless Proteas on his IPL2 home ground (St. George’s Oval).
  3. What’s England’s greatest weakness? Beer, what else. Jeez, everyone knows that!
  4. Mr. Beer is a left hand spinner. Guess who has a problem against left hand slow bowlers? England’s main man, Kevin Pietersen, who else. As Mr. Doherty eventually came around to demonstrating in the Adelaide test, that chink in the armor is still very much there.
  5. It is reported that Mr. Beer actually turns the ball, as opposed to bowling Hauritz-style slow dibbly-dobblies masquerading as spin.
  6. Word has it that the great Shane Warne himself has endorsed Beer. Though Warnie, the old fox, remained highly ambiguous about whether he was referring to beer or Mr. Beer.
  7. Give him a chance at least! Every spinner in Australia has worn the baggy green ever since Warne’s departure, so at least Mr. Beer’s inclusion shows some consistency in selection.

So there you have it. Seven reasons why I think Mr. Beer’s inclusion is a well thought out strategy as opposed to something the selectors decided over a couple of beers (the drink, not the man).